WHAT was all the noise about Starlink not addressing Zimbabwe’s unique security concerns? What security concerns? As it turned out, those so-called security concerns did not bother our owner one bit.
But the identity of their business partner was the key issue, it seems. With that in mind, our owner enthusiastically told us last weekend: “I’m pleased to announce that I have approved the licencing of Starlink by Potraz (Postal and Telecommunications Regulatory Authority) to provide advanced internet and related digital processing services in Zimbabwe through its sole and exclusive local partner, IMC Communications (Pvt) Ltd.”
There you have it. Zimbabwe will join a select group of countries in Africa using high-speed, low-cost broadband internet services. Data prices will fall!
Our owner could not resist beating his own drum, telling us that the entry of Starlink in Zimbabwe was a response to his ‘Zimbabwe is open for business’ mantra.
“Prioritisation of the digital economy and the emerging importance of technology in our day-to-day activities requires the government to lead from the front in providing an environment where investment in technology is promoted.”
Right. But the bottom line is that there is money to be made with Starlink given how incompetent and exploitative the current crop of service providers we have in this country are.
“This will be in fulfilment of my administration’s undertaking to leave no one and no place behind,” our owner told us.
Muck understands, our owner will leave no Wicknell behind. The man has become ubiquitous, and our owner has shown in recent times that the ex-convict will eat from his table until he has no more want.
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Reports suggest IMC Communications is his baby which, much like his other ventures before them, just seemed to exist in time to land a lucrative deal. Muck questions how a company that technically does not exist, does not have offices, any kind of digital footprint presence, happened to secure a partnership with Starlink as the sole reseller?
Muck, like most Zimbabweans, is finally learning that where there is a Wicknell there is a way.
Judge in a hard spot
Zimbabwe is not a normal country, Muck has concluded. It is increasingly apparent that even the thin veneer of democracy plastered by the regular holding of elections has washed off. Instead, we have a full-scale dictatorship where the rule of law has become secondary and zvido zvavakuru (what the leader wants) have become the primary objective of every citizen in this country.
How else can one explain the bizarro situation that Justice Esther Muremba found herself in last Wednesday? According to reports, the judge found herself before a hostile bench that included, our owner, and two of his minions that administer the law on his behalf.
One of the ministers, Monica Mutsvangwa, happens to be the mother of one Neville, the man arrested movie-style a fortnight ago for illegal forex deals and possessing Starlink equipment, a service that was illegal at the time.
So, the judge found herself before this group to explain herself. Mutsvangwa, we were told, complained bitterly that the judge was mishandling the case. On reflection, Justice Muremba recused herself for “personal reasons”.
Lesson learnt: Stay away from cases involving mashefu (chefs) or their kids. They are not good for your health. Justice Muremba’s explanation for postponing ruling last week that she had not received a full record of proceedings from the lower court evidently did not wash.
“Mnangagwa listened to her explanation and concluded that her actions were above board. He also said as a lawyer he respected the independence of the judiciary and the judge was excused.”
The experience is frightening on all levels. Why is a whole president interfering in a judicial process?
The environment has become toxic, to the extent of bringing up the issue of who appointed her to the bench in the first place (in this case, the late former owner Robert Mugabe.)
Is Muck meant to believe that Zimbabwe has an independent judiciary? What judge would want to be assigned politically sensitive cases? Because clearly, anything considered unfavourable could land you before an unsympathetic jury of a president and his ministers.
Judge Muremba’s replacement in the case, Justice Rodgers Manyangadze evidently got the memo and will deliver his ruling today after an expedited hearing on Wednesday.
The ruling should be interesting because it is clear that our owners want Neville out of remand prison, whatever the merits of the case.
Neville’s father, the Zany party loudmouth, Chris, has calmed down apparently. After taking on the generari for allegedly causing the arrest of his son for “eating”, the man has taken the rhetoric a couple of notches down.
“We are dealing with a matter that’s before the courts, let justice take its course. But as parents we are going through extreme difficulties, but with the fortitude of both the mother and father who are products of the revolution we have the stamina to bear it all,” he said this week.
That is some climbdown. But then, the “mother” had already brought out the biggest arsenal in her handbag and fired it at the judiciary: the owner himself.
After Chris claimed the generari was “trying to abuse the judiciary system, hoping that I can have an attitude against the state”, what does he think of his wife’s actions?
Muck also notes that the charge of possessing Starlink equipment, a service that was illegal at the time, appears to have dropped off after our owner gave his blessing to have the service licenced in the country.
A yearning of the absurd
One of the two men who deputise our owner, Kembo Mohadi, took some time out to give a public lecture at one of our institutions of higher learning, about resilience and its transformative abilities.
He should know for he is a transformed man after our owner brought him back into the office he had voluntarily vacated in 2021 for alleged improper sexual liaisons with married women, including one of his subordinates.
He told us: “Leaders like Robert Mugabe and Joshua Nkomo emerged as powerful symbols of unwavering determination, inspiring countless Zimbabweans to keep fighting for their freedom. Indeed, His Excellency President Dr ED Mnangagwa was imprisoned for 10 years because of his resistance to colonial rule and fight for the emancipation of his people.
“There is no better demonstration of resilience than being incarcerated for so long in your teenage years, as happened to President Mnangagwa when he was arrested and convicted for bombing a train near then Fort Victoria, present day Masvingo, in 1965.”
Mans knows how to sing for his supper. Of course, he could not resist adding: “My own personal experience was no different and indeed, my biography is titled Resilience and Fortitude, as it chronicles the long and difficult journey that I walked during the days of our struggle for emancipation.”
Muck dares say history will remember him more for his office bedroom antics than his supposed liberation war credentials.
