There is a popular cartoon on the internet highlighting changes that have occurred in schools over the years. In both pictures an angry mother and a father are asking the question, “Explain these bad grades”, in front of the teacher and the child. In the first picture, the demand is directed at the frightened child with the unconcerned teacher suppressing a smile on her lips while in the second picture it is directed at the worried teacher while the smugly smiling child looks on. It clearly highlights how attitudes towards schools and children have changed.
Leaving aside the fact that we might just wish to add a third picture and turn the statement back on the parents, asking them what they have done to prevent the child having bad grades, we will move on and not debate here the issue of the child’s academic progress but rather pick up on another moment when parents, teachers and pupils might come together and discuss an issue in a similar manner. Let us consider an incident shared by a parent concerning the bullying of her child.
This parent had brought her child up to react as follows to anyone who may try to bully her; firstly, simply tell the bully to stop but if the bullying continues, tell the teacher this is happening. If this failed, the advice was along the lines of “punch them on the nose and call mom”. The time came when such an incident occurred, where warnings were not heeded and consequences developed, resulting in the teacher now calling in the parent to explain the bad behaviour of the girl.
The parent did go in to see the teacher and, in the discussions, asked her if she knew about the troublesome boy who was doing the bullying and inciting her daughter. The teacher said she did. The parent then asked, “Did you do anything?” He response was, “No. They’re just kids”. The parent then responded that “our kid did what we told her to since you weren’t doing your job to help”.
Let us consider the statement that “they’re just kids”. Firstly, that implies that a child can do whatever he wants on the basic grounds that he is just a child. Really? It implies that they are just playing, that it is just fun, that there is no harm, even though the bully has been asked by the child not to do it but persists, and the child has seen it as hurtful enough to ask the teacher for help – which she was not given.
Let us recognise that, yes, they are indeed just kids. For sure, they are kids. They are in Grade 1, remember. Yes, they are kids and children often do strange and hurtful things to others, without knowing it (though usually they are fully aware of the fact but do not stop). But there is something else that we do well to remember. As they are “just kids”, they are not mature, they have not been taught the correct way to behave; they need to be educated on what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behaviour. That is why they are at school, to learn what is appropriate behaviour! It is not a matter of excusing poor behaviour on the grounds of age. Educate them, sooner not later!
Oh, and by the way, lest we perhaps have not realised, the child fighting back is also “just a kid” so her response must be equally acceptable. Why should she be targeted and not the other child? Come on, let her be a child also and do what she wants! Seriously, what do we want?
Interestingly, the same parent shared how a couple of years later her younger daughter who had just started in Grade 1 came home crying that some Grade 3 boys took her and her friend’s belongings and would not give them back at breaktime. The older sister, the one who had been brushed off by the teacher, on hearing this, told her sister, “Come get me next time” – which she did. The mother asked the older child, “What did you do?” to which the daughter simply said, “I handled it, they won’t bother her again”. Interestingly, this time, the parent did not receive a call from the school (or the other parent) and the boys did not harass the girl again!
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As there is a light-hearted view in the cartoon of challenging different people for the poor grades, so we often may be guilty of taking bullying as a joke. They are just kids. The reality is that, yes, they are kids but our role is to educate kids, not leave them to educate each other. They are just kids who become adults. Are we as schools and as parents doing anything about bullying? Or are we just kids?
- Tim Middleton is the executive director of the Association of Trust Schools [ATS]. The views expressed in this article, however, are solely those of the author in his private capacity and do not necessarily represent the views of the ATS.
Email: tim@atszim.org website: atszim.org
