There is this thing called the law of deflation, a new and trailblazing way of seeing things.
What happens is, there is this dude who is having to manage a see-saw on an acute hilltop. At one end is a heavy weight. On the other is a less heavy weight. The slopes on either side are quite steep.
The side with the heavier weight won’t tilt far enough, though, so the dude must deal with the lighter weight away so that other end rid of the mass.
That way, heavier weight comes thudding to the ground and off it goes down the slope. The plank, because it no longer has any load on it, gets even—for the dude, of course.
See what’s happening here? The chap must get the heavier weight off, otherwise he would be stuck there till the moon is up and the wolves come baying.
But he can only do that if he has to deal with the smaller weight, which is no small weight by the way. And the best thing to do is to get rid of the smaller weight so that the bigger weight also goes away.
That’s the law of deflation. You haven’t heard about it elsewhere. They apply it when they have to deal with two problems at the same time. To get out of the bigger mess, they deal with the smaller mess. That way, the bigger mess disappears too, or something like that.
Not that these post-Mugabe cheaters and eaters are ever capable of thinking about things so critically. It’s asking too much of them.
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They just do it, and it works for them all the time. You don’t expect the hare to know good enough about thermodynamics when it cooks Uncle Baboon like we grew up knowing him to do. He just does it, out of habit.
Now, let’s apply the theory. Goat-gate and Zecgate. Goat-gate is the real-life story of two mbudziyadhuras who conned government more than three years ago by lying that they could produce and present miracle goats to the Lands ministry, at inflated prices for the wonder to work well.
They convinced the government that their miracle was worth US$88m and, as a consultation fee, got close to US$8 million. They pocketed more than US$7m from that bounty but then, who cares what people do with their consultation fees? The one mbudziyadhura turns out to be a small cow (Mike Chimombe) and the other an eland (Moses Mpofu).
And Zecgate is another real-life story where the small cow and the eland feature as the supporting cast. Here, you also have, you guessed right, the notorious Wicknell Chivayo and another conman who sure can crash money, Scott Sakupwanya.
This scandal is also good for the Guinness Book of Records. From nowhere, this band connived with a South African company, REN-Form, and got a whopping US$40m from the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission for providing substandard voting materials. Ordinarily, the job would have cost less than S$10m. We hear that the deal was done in a room under lock and key and involved hectic consultations that went far and wide.
Goat-gate is the smaller weight and Zecgate, the bigger one. Last week, the small cow and the eland came to court in Gucci suits but were thrown into the cooler for the fake miracle that they claimed they would perform. In Zimbabwe, if you decide to steal, take big millions. If you do that, they don’t send the cops to arrest you. Just steal a pin or peg and they will descend on you with lightning speed.
There was a time when we suspected that they wouldn’t take the duo of Chimombe and Mpofu to court. But they did. Of course, they have been caught, but who is fooled they won’t be released and let to finish the eating? But, for now, there is a way to put it. They have been thrown under the bus.
There is a telling irony in this. Chimombe, Sakupwanya and Mpofu, as it seems, leaked communication in which they complained about how Chivayo had grabbed the feeding trough and fled with it in Zecgate. I’m sure they did it so as to strip Chivayo naked in public.
Instead of attention going to Chivayo, the tables turned on Chimombe and Mpofu, and the rest is now history. As it stands, all ears and eyes are on Chimombe and Mpofu, while Chivayo keeps bragging on social media, correctly, that he is untouchable. Very soon, we will have forgotten about Zecgate.
The question you will be asking is: Why is it that it’s only the two mbudziyadhuras who are facing justice and nothing is being done about Zecgate? The answer is simple. Goat-gate is the lighter weight and Zecgate, the bigger boulder.
The main problem with Chimombe and Mpofu is that they are small boys who, suddenly invited to a big banquet, decided to eat alone, almost. They forgot that banquets of such lavishness must, as a rule, involve the head chef and other big crooks—oops, cooks.
So, the purported prosecution of Chimombe and Mpofu is diversionary. It’s meant to sell a façade, the fib that something is being done. Meanwhile, your attention is deflated from the bigger story.
After all, the government was aware of what the duo did as way back as 2022. That’s why the Lands ministry cancelled the tender back then. Why have they not been acting all this while long?
Chimombe and Mpofu are dispensable. Their case is not that complicated.
As we remain glued to the optics of Goat-gate, Zec-gate is getting buried deeper and deeper. This is one case that the Zimbabwe Anti-Corruption Corruption (Zacc)or police won’t even touch. When you hear Chivayo boast that nothing will happen to him, he knows perfectly well what he is talking about.
He is untouchable not because he is untouchable per se. They won’t dare come for him because he is the horse that the jockey is riding. You can’t trip the horse without tripping the jockey.
Where Zec-gate is concerned, the whole brood of chefs is there. You know now, Chivayo has been seen at the head chef’s farm and he is always swinging by the big man’s coat tails. He actually tells you that he has the coat tails under a firm grip. Now, imagine getting too excited about Chivayo and toying with taking him to court. There is no way the name of the head cook will escape the scandal.
When such things like Zecgate happen, the head cook will know even the finest print. But that’s not all. The Office of the President and Cabinet not only knew, but was involved in processing the scandalous Zec tender, at least by way of oversight.
And the Central Intelligence Organisation (CIO) was there too. Elections have always been a sensitive issue in Zimbabwe, as everywhere. Nothing goes without the spooks sniffing around. Meaning that a tender to supply voting materials can only happen if the spooks are snug with it.
Add to that the fact that the Zec chairperson, Priscilla Chigumba, was also deeply involved in the deal, flying to South Africa and all the other nether places to plan the tender. If there is fraud and corruption in the deal, you can’t excuse her from the scam.
Then you have your Procurement Regulatory Authority of Zimbabwe (Praz). While anything is capable of happening in Zimbabwe, in this case, Praz was involved. Which means it okayed the fraudulent Zec deal.
Now, you answer me here. What version of ZACC would want to deal with such a deadly combo of crooks and accomplices? That would be the trial of the century!
*Tawanda Majoni writes in his personal capacity and can be contacted on majonitt@gmail.com
