FOR a country accustomed to sporting failure, Zimbabwe has enjoyed something of a fairytale at the ongoing 33rd Olympic Games in Paris, France, thanks to the exploits of sprinters Tapiwanashe Makarawu and Makanakaishe Charamba. 

Despite both coming third in their semi-final heats on Wednesday night, they qualified for the final, the first time a Zimbabwean graced the global games in the final round since Brian Dzingai managed the feat at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. He came forth in the final.

Zimbabwe’s previous Olympic sprinter was former 400 metre-hurdler, Kenneth “Ken” Harnden, who took part in the 1996 and 2000 games in Atlanta, United States, and Sydney, Australia, respectively.

The finals, sadly, were held last night after Muck handed in this week’s column and praying for one of the young men to bring a first medal since the current Sports minister Kirsty Coventry’s exploits at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. 

Now, instead of enjoying the exploits of the supremely talented young men who are proud to represent their country, attention has been focused on the parentage of one of them.

Makanakaishe happens to be the scion of George Charamba, the presidential spokesperson whose toxicity rivals, if not passes that of his former boss, the now self-exiled Jonathan Moyo.

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The man has created enough X personas that Muck wonders if he is able to keep in touch with each one of them. One time he is George Charamba, the next he is Dhonzamusoro007 or he turns up as Jamwanda02!

Thankfully, Makanakaishe has enough talent to overcome the toxicity generated by his Joseph Goebbels-wannabe father.

Disappearing First Lady

Muck has noticed an interesting development this week: pictures and fawning stories of the woman, who is married to our owner, have disappeared from their permanent home on Page 2 of the Herald of the Truth!

For years now, the attention-seeking First Lady seemed to have claimed the page as her own, filling it with pictures of everything, from her cooking shows to baking bread and teaching other married women how to cook for their husbands!

And she wielded her power immensely to the point of having 18 pictures on the newspaper’s Page 2 on Tuesday last week.

Yes, 18 pictures!

Muck wonders how long she will keep up the pretence of not wanting her page back. After all, she has a dedicated media team that captures her every deed for the nation’s benefit.

They have to be published somewhere.

No mincing words

Julius Malema is not a man to mince his words. In 2016, on a speaking visit to the United Kingdom, gave an interview that Muck found interesting and revealing as to the true nature of the man.

He proposed an ingenious way of solving South Africa’s troubled labour relations: companies must give shares to workers instead of black individuals in that country in the name of Black Economic Empowerment (BEE).

“Why would workers go on strike if they know that last year each one of us got R60 000 (US$3 300) through dividends and we are told that if we double that we are going to get R120 000 (US$6 600)? No one will sleep,” Malema said then.

“They will all work for their money and when a union leader who is obsessed with stealing workers’ money through union subscription, comes and mobilises them for strike, they will tell him or her: ‘Wait, that strike is going to affect the dividends’, because with those dividends workers will do a lot of beautiful things.

“You must just see what they do with their 13th cheque bonuses. Imagine they get bonuses and they still get dividends. You tell them to go on strike. You will be speaking a foreign language to them. They won’t understand you.”

“They will never agree to go into unnecessary industrial action. You have resolved production, you have resolved unnecessary industrial action, and you have increased production.”

He added: “Let workers benefit from this wealth of South Africa and there is no corruption there.

“We don’t say BEE or individuals. No, we are not going to benefit anything else or individuals. The money goes directly into the bank of a worker, not through any politically connected.

“You will pay them dividends the same way you will pay them salaries, same account number. You are guaranteed. This money will not be reduced by a middle man in-between called a trustee or anything of that sort.

“Workers themselves directly own the shares in the companies and people are saying this is the best way that we can resolve a problem of inequality in South Africa.”

Complicit Sadc

On Monday this week, Malema turned his guns on the Southern Africa Development Community (Sadc) and the African Union (AU) for their complicity in Zimbabwe’s political and economic crises.

“Sadc, AU and South Africa are failing Zimbabwe. And when you ask what is the resolution, no one has taken any resolution! (South Africa), at the Pan-African Parliament, the AU and Sadc, have to have a political will to speak for the people of Zimbabwe,” he said.

“When it comes from us, it will have more weight than when it comes from Europe. Why? Because we are brothers and sisters. They will know it’s friendly fire.”

He had no kind words for the generari either!

“(Vice-President Constantino) Chiwenga is done, he will not be anything. They used him. Chiwenga is no longer the most powerful military man in Zimbabwe now. They have weakened him.”

Perhaps noting developments in countries such as Kenya and Bangladesh, he added: “Only the power of the youth of Zimbabwe can change the political status quo.”

Listen to the man.

Adamant ‘generari’

Speaking of the generari, the man maybe walking on eggshells after refusing to utter the infamous “2030 ED Achange Achitonga” slogan in front of the watching owner of the country. His fellow number two, Kembo “The Legend of Office Sexcapades” Mohadi could not help himself, and chanted the slogan, because he was exercising his freedom of speech!

Muck asks: Why are we going through this poorly choreographed charade that is clearly being driven by our owner himself to camouflage his attempt at a constitutional coup?

Our owner can save us a lot of grief by just being open about his ambitions, full stop!