BY TIM MIDDLETON WE have all read them, all those sayings about winning and losing. Vince Lombardi famously (or maybe fatuously) declared that “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing” while Knute Rockne stated boldly, “Show me a gracious loser and I’ll show you a failure” and Paul Newman (and others) changed that slightly by saying, “Show me a good loser and I will show you a loser.”
Dale Earnhardt, the racing car driver, put it bluntly in saying “Second Place is the First Loser” with Paul Bryant saying something similar: “Winning isn’t everything, but it beats anything that comes in second.” George Steinbrenner saw it all so clearly by announcing that “Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next” with Mia Hamm adding the following conclusion: “The person that said winning isn’t everything, never won anything.”
Martina Navratilova had a similar view in declaring that, “Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost” and of course it would seem that we would be wise to heed her insight since she won 18 Grand Slam singles titles, 31 major women’s doubles titles, and 10 major mixed doubles titles, for a combined total of 59 major titles. Before we do that, however, perhaps we should consider another statement.
Someone once said that “Whether you win or lose, I don’t mind – I’m your dad” with the additional comment that “Winning or losing won’t make me love you less.” Now, those are words that we should be saying and repeating constantly to our children who are playing sport though we could equally add that neither result will make us love them more.
Fathers, and indeed mothers, must declare that loud and clear to their children and must show it in their actions and words while watching, as well as before and after the game. Yet all too often, what comes across is: “Just remember, son, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose – unless you want daddy’s love”.
So each of us should be able to say (and mean absolutely) that whether my child scuffs a sitter or scores a screamer, I don’t mind – I’m your dad. Whether my child is man of the match or is sent off, I don’t mind – I’m your dad. Whether my child plays a blinder or has a ‘bender’ of a match, I don’t mind – I’m your dad.
Whether my child is shouted at or praised, I don’t mind – I’m your dad. Whether my child is injured or is inspired, I don’t mind – I’m your dad. Whether my child plays for the first team or the fourth team, I don’t mind – I’m your dad. Whether my child receives colours or is dropped, I don’t mind – I’m your dad.
Whether my child loses his temper or gains respect, I don’t mind – I’m your dad. Nothing is going to change the fact that my child is my child. Nothing that happens on a sports field is going to change my child’s value, significance. Winning and losing changes nothing.
Tim Tebow, the high-profile American football player and subsequent broadcaster, clearly understood this when he said, “We play a sport. It’s a game. At the end of the day, that’s all it is, a game. It doesn’t make you any better or any worse than anybody else. So by winning a game, you’re no better.
By losing a game, you’re no worse. I think by keeping that mentality, it really keeps things in perspective for me to treat everybody the same.” Winning and losing are two sides of the same coin; whichever side the coin lands on does not change the value of the coin. I am your dad.
As a parent, all I should want for my child on the sports field is that he enjoys himself, that she makes friends with her teammates and opponents, that he learns from all experiences, that she tries her hardest and is willing to try new things, to take risks without fear of failure. Yet, even having said that, even if our children cannot or do not achieve those, we do not mind – we are their parents.
Martina Navratilova might even have a different perspective now, though, for in marrying her partner Julia Lemigova, she became a ‘dad’ to Julia’s two young daughters. She might just admit “Whether you win or lose, I don’t mind – I’m your dad”.
Dads are often the worst when it comes to the desperate pursuit of winning – men think losing is an omen. We need to be able to say “amen” to all the above. Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts’ is a dad. Amen.