AS someone who has been a Zimbo long enough to understand the machinations of the reeling party in this country where military coups are sanitised by the courts and every form of illegality is whitewashed with lies and or threats (like in the case of the ZIG story), Muckraker has grown to accept the reality that everything from Shake Shake Building ought to be taken with not just a pinch — but a whole shaker — of salt. 

For Muck, the Bulawayo conference served only one thing: to prepare the ground to absolve the Owner of the country of any blame when the supreme law of the country is eventually violated. 

When this finally happens, which is almost certain to happen unless the unexpected (like another 2017) happens first, it would give the impression that the servant leader was forced against his will to continue plodding in the thankless job of leading, when it was all a show.

As if he suddenly is now powerless to stop the illegal nonsense, and also as if he no longer has any mouth to say it in his own voice, Cde Patrick Chinamasa was hired to make the announcements that were obviously meant to wrongfoot those that are fondling dreams of one day being mis-leaders themselves.

If the constitution was wantonly violated to allow Cde Luke Malaba to continue as the foreman of a captured judiciary, what can stop it from being desecrated two more times to allow our Owner to, first continue until 2030, then from there on to allow him to rule for life — even to the extent of including the country in his will?  

Can two constitutional amendments and two referendums be insurmountable hurdles for someone who has staged a coup to get power and used violence and outright rigging to retain it? Here Muck is talking of someone who has previously even taken 11 000 of the country’s soldiers on a private plundering mission away in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). 

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Real threat

Muck can tell you that in typical crocodile fashion, all this talk of constitutionalism is mean to lure detractors into relaxing before they are dealt with. 

Was not it announced that the enemies are going to be dealt with? That threat is really real! 

Are we not even ashamed that with the very same mouth that we use to congratulate our sister (mafia) parties in the region like Mozambique’s Frelimo (that are having leadership change and allowing young blood to take over after two terms), we also threaten to deal with those who may suggest that we emulate that which we are congratulating our neighbours for? 

Muck knows people who are confused, and also those that are confusion itself!

Anyway, does Cde Lovemore Madhuku sometimes not offer his services to our Owner & Co? If you ask him for his legal opinion — obviously for an appropriate fee — he will certainly come up with a novel explanation on how it is supremely necessary for constitutionalists to appear to violate constitutions in order to uphold them.  So much about constitutionalists!

A sorry apology …

Only a poor man can give all his cattle names and know them personally, real ranchers cannot afford that luxury to name each and every one member of their herds of cattle. 

When a chief executive officer of a company knows all the firm’s cars by their registration numbers and the drivers who drive them, they are CEO by name only, for real CEOs have better things to occupy their minds. 

In the same vein, when a leader is really delivering, it does not take time for them to forget what they have achieved, as their mind will be focused on what they are going to deliver next. 

So, when your owners croon about that they claim to have done (for you, when it was actually for themselves!) over the past few years, then know that you have mis-leaders. 

They have nothing to offer. And we seem to have just too many of such mis-leaders all over, especially in very high places. Just too many of them! 

Leaders are just too busy to be warbling about their “achievements” and “successes”. 

More so when you see yourself being cheered and defended by blabbermouths like Cde Chris, then there should be something bizarre about your leadership — or Ownership — style!

History in faithful repeat

One of the most unfair realities about life is our inability to choose our relatives. There are some relatives that one just finds themselves with whether they like it or not. 

Muck was reminded of this harsh reality last week when he came across this statement attributed to Cde Daniel Garwe. 

“You hear about Vision 2030. It’s not the brainchild of the President to come up with that plan,” Garwe was quoted as waffling. “He does it through divine visions. He sees visions from the one who anointed him. And it’s God. Leaders are chosen by God and we, the people, only support what God has chosen for us.”

Everyone appears to be a gentleman until they open their mouth! 

Many have walked in that path before — the likes of Didymus Mutasa, Tony Gara, Amos Midzi, Enos Chikowore, Tendai Savanhu and many others, but this did not stop the time for them to be forgotten. The time arrived on time and they were timely consigned to the dustbin of history. 

But history, which has a rich history of repeating itself, will not be kind enough to forget your buffoonery. 

At his age, Garwe should be having children-in-laws and grandchildren. Muck cannot help but wonder what his relatives think of him after coming across such blasphemous tosh.

A mafia state indeed

This year’s anti-sanctions campaign was not as fired up as in the preceding years, like when huge crowds were mobilised for the show. Are people getting tired of their own lies? 

If the story about sanctions is proving to be a spent lie, how about starting a new campaign: an anti-corruption campaign maybe? Is this one too close for the comfort of our Owner and his hangers-on?

Instead of dealing with corruption when it is exposed, we seem to be ever ready to pounce on those who dare uncover it. Our response to the Gold Mafia exposé has been to go after the messenger. 

We have decided to clamp down on Al Jazeera, starting with current attempt to seize the global broadcaster’s equipment. A mafia indeed! 

Persecution by prosecution is a strategy that many rogue regimes in the world use to stifle media freedom.

Zesa strategy

Muck has been laughing since last week when Cde Sydney Gata told Zimbos that his Zesa finally had a strategy to end power cuts. He even went to the extent of giving us a date. 

When it is described as a “strategy”, you would think something is happening … come December 2025, our situation could be worse and Cde Gata, who is joined in the hip with our Owner, will still be there — strategising!