SOMETIMES Muckraker cannot restrain himself from blaming his miserable and poor life on his own choices - especially the choice to be a law-abiding and God-fearing citizen, instead of choosing a swashbuckling career in crime, albeit through this respectable route called politics.
If you ask Muck, he will tell you that politicians enjoy the privilege of having a higher propensity to live in fantasy worlds than most normal people in society…the key phrase here being “most normal”, meaning most politicians are not your normal kind of person.
Do not ask Muck how politicians are abnormal, because he just knows so from the lived experience of what they do and or say, although he does not have the solid proof that would secure a conviction in a court of law, which probably explains why most of these otherwise criminals continue to roam from place to place, causing untold mayhem.
Worse still when these criminals double up as lawyers, which is now so fashionable in this country.
Politics, it being the art of managing public resources for private benefit, is surely one sure and safe route out of a life of toil and misery. It is naïve to expect anything good from real good politicians across the aisle!
Muck is not being fatalistic, but just realistic.
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You just need to follow the on-going tussle between Sengezo Tshabangu and Welshman Ncube to understand what motivates most people into becoming politicians!
Then you have the unhinged type, who to our collective misfortune, we happen to be so unlucky to have a global oversupply of. Sometimes you wonder if they actually did or say what they are accused of doing or saying.
You and Muck might not be the perfect of human beings, but there are some things that we know should not be done and or said, and in the unlikely event that we do them, we make sure no one even suspects us of doing them.
But to this species of politicians, the more scandalous the better! Please do not ask Muck what they smoke, he might not have proof, for all he knows is that they certainly smoke something!
One such is Cde Dexter Nduna.
So last week Nduna finally hired someone to write (Muck has proof that the brother cannot write anything sensible!) a letter to his master, the Owner of the country, making a show of apologising for the mischief of trying to bless himself with a law degree?
In the letter, Nduna claimed to have been under a spell of confusion that assured him that his political clout had cured the failures in the three modules he had flunked in his degree programme, hence his move to qualify himself!
Anyway, Nduna’s lame excuse aside, Muck actually sees no basis for him to apologise at all for doing exactly what everyone within the rank and file of the cult that is confused for a political party are expected to do.
See, you apologise to someone of integrity, for doing something that puts their otherwise good name into disrepute, not apologise to your role model, onewhose shameful deeds you are busy emulating… what is there to apologise for?
Only a few weeks ago, was not the same Owner swearing in disgraced former judge – now Cde – Webster Chinamora, as chair of Zimbabwe Independent Complaints Commission?
Where is integrity in that?
Anyway, the gods should be punishing Zimbos for celebrating too much in November 2017.
Entitlement
Surely you cannot blame Nduna for having this seemingly strange sense of entitlement - traditional wisdom says you never make the mistake of giving a goblin some blood, because instead of getting satisfied, it will demand some more.
After Nduna lost the election in Chegutu West to Gift Konjana in 2018, but went on to be allowed to masquerade as the winner for the whole five years, it only made him think he is entitled to much more, hence his latest pranks.
Muck suspects that Nduna, being the piddling nobody that he is in the real political scheme of things in this country, was doing someone’s bidding in his attempt to grab parking operations in several cities and towns… and we hope that person has not decided to throw him under the bus!
Otherwise how could the Party allow him to be arrested and repeatedly denied bail as if he was an opposition member?
Or in his excitement, was he careless as to step on the corns on the toe of some chef?
After all, it could be one of those many show arrests by the Party to manage its too many embarrassing situations!
The shameless men…
The latest scam seeking to allow beneficiaries of the country’s land grab to sell their loot is remindful to Muck of many shameless men that actually gather their relatives and friends to charge – and receive – lobola for their daughters when they paid nothing for their own wives.
It is “our culture to charge lobola”, you often hear them saying boastfully… but not their culture for them to actually pay it!
Good riddance…
Muck is struggling to be sad that at the weekend Cde Christopher Mutsvangwa – another Party someone who also fondles a healthy sense of entitlement – suffered a thorough trouncing in elections for the leadership of war veterans.
Those who know how things go in the Party can tell that the garrulous brother is no longer useful to the Owner of the country.
Curiously, it was only after Mutsvangwa had thankfully lost that the validity of the elections came into question.
The question that Muck has for Cde Chris is why did he participate in the nullity in the first place? We are happy that he has since made a show of reconciling himself to his defeat.
At least he has more time to sell buses and visit the US to admire things that will never reach these shores for as long as people like him continue to pretend to be the country’s leaders when they are actually misleaders.
Extortion has no boundaries
Last week officials from the ministry of Lands and Agriculture, yes you got it right, took their time off their busy schedules of ensuring that the winter wheat crop is harvested, and preparations for the next cropping season, to raid some supermarkets to confiscate some products purportedly smuggled into the country.
Do not ask Muck since when it became the duty of the Ministry of Lands and Agriculture to deal with smuggling, but those who have been Zimbo long enough should not find this strange. When it comes to the business of extortion, there are no boundaries.
By the way the Party hates competition… Party members are always openly selling exclusively smuggled goods on the streets and in their tuck-shops!
Running a business in this country is a serious crime… small wonder some local firms are now trying to be resourceful in finding creative ways of politely fleeing the country!