WHAT do Zimbos really want? In the past, every September when our Owner sacrificed his “dense programme” to attend the barren United Nations General Assembly (UNGA) talk show, they complained that he was being wasteful of their time and money.
As a listening Owner, this time around he decided to spare Zimbos’ resources of time and money by skipping this year’s session of the global talk show — they are complaining regardless!
From this, it is easy to tell that the noises are actually sponsored by the country’s detractors. Just because he is Munhumutapa, he is damned whatever he does and whatever he doesn’t do!
Thankfully, our Owner has developed a skin thick enough to withstand the most abrasive of baseless criticism.
Now get the facts right from Muckraker. There is no truth whatsoever in the rumour that has been doing the rounds that our Owner had to skip this year’s UNGA, held annually in the evil West city of New York in the United States, because he no longer trusts his hangers-on enough to lend them his back.
There is no iota of truth in the claim that he feared a “Kwame Nkrumah” could have happened to him, putting his putative dynastic plans into disarray.
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The chopper crash and the MHDSRIEP message in one of the local newspapers are just but mere accidents and coincidences!
While there is no debate whatsoever that in him Zimbos are blessed with a truly rare Owner, there is also no truth in suggestions that our alert security intelligence detected a plot by the evil West to capture our Owner in New York and force him to lead their discredited government-in-exile project.
Only Zimbos at home can make a slave out of the super-patriot!
The plain truth is that as a hands-on farmer — according to Cde Mokgweetsi Masisi of Botswana — who is single-handedly feeding the whole nation and the continent, the freshly-minted Munhumutapa couldn’t afford another week away from Precabe Farm where a winter wheat crop is ready for harvesting to attend a useless talk show in New York.
With such an oversupply of food in the hereabouts, it actually saddens Cde Muck that in this era of fake news, there were false reports suggesting that Rwanda, a hopelessly tiny and mountainous east African country, donated 1 000 metric tonnes of maize to save Zimbos from starvation.
Actually, it was us who made the generous donation to Rwanda, not the other way around!
There were also similar reports suggesting that Cde Addmore Hwarare, the leader of the Commercial Sugarcane Farmers Association of Zimbabwe, made a passionate plea to Belarusian ambassador to Zimbabwe, Igor Marshalov, for a donation of maize, claiming that people are starving.
It was actually Cde Hwarare who offered to donate unlimited grain to our Belarusian friends, not what was reported.
There is no truth in any of these reports. There are no people starving anywhere because Zimbabwe is still the breadbasket of Africa it always have been.
Misguided chivalry
Muckraker is disappointed that some people are beginning to mistake our Owner’s character of being a listening President and his being “soft as wool” for weakness. In fact, for foolishness … they are beginning to see him as an addle-pated boob of an Owner.
This week a dangerously misguided outfit calling itself Retailers Association of Zimbabwe decided to do tricks around our Owner by coming up with an incoherent document that unfortunately concluded with a tone of an ultimatum to our Owner & Co.
So clearly suggesting disrespect, this document that purported to raise concerns about the country’s solid currency, the ZiG, was a document that — to all intents and purposes — sought to insult the probity of our Owner by casting aspersions on his economic and fiscal policies.
Surely, how could they question the wisdom (even suggest lack of it) of the Owner and his Second Republic as far as the ZiG is concerned?
Who doesn’t know that the ZiG is the philosopher’s stone, the Aladdin’s lamp that makes all wishes come true? Anyway, we know their handlers!
For now, Muck can only say this obviously was a crippled ultimatum from which the senders must inevitably retreat.
Very soon, the authors of that document will get a chance to realise what it means to offend the all-powerful Munhumutapa! They have slapped a lion (kurova Shumba Murambwi nembama).
Anyway, since the retailers have threatened to close their shops in protest against the ZiG currency, the threat is hereby duly accepted. This is a blessing in disguise. The millions of Zany party members can now expand on their tuckshop businesses to power the country towards the upper middle class economy by 2030 vision.
Who doesn’t know that conditions in this country are the best one can ever find anywhere in the world, hence the stampede by American and other Western businesses to set up shop here?
Ask Cde Dzikamai Mavhaire and other returnees to the Zany party, they will tell you that in his seven short years, our Owner has championed “unprecedented and life-changing economic developmental projects”.
Weapons of the weak?
Inside six months, the country’s structured currency, the ZiG, a currency that is backed by what detractors claim is backed by fool’s gold, has strangely lost value when global gold prices have actually been firming.
This is really strange. This is even despite the arrests and threats from the owners of the country to anyone who would dare try sabotage the currency. Still it is failing to remain firm and attractive. Really very strange.
This got Muckraker to remember a passage that he once stumbled upon while reading James C Scott’s dangerous book The Weapons of the Weak.
This is it: “Everyday forms of resistance make no headlines. Just as millions of anthozoan po lyps create, willy-nilly, a coral reef, so do thousands upon thousands of individual acts of insubordination and evasion create a political or economic barrier reef of their own.
“There is rarely any dramatic confrontation, any moment that is particularly newsworthy. And whenever, to pursue the simile, the ship of state runs aground on such a reef, attention is typically directed to the shipwreck itself and not to the vast aggregation of petty acts that made it possible.
“It is only rarely that the perpetrators of these petty acts seek to call attention to themselves. Their safety lies in their anonymity. It is also extremely rarely that officials of the state wish to publicise the insubordination.
“To do so would be to admit that their policy is unpopular, and, above all, to expose the tenuousness of their authority in the countryside neither of which the sovereign state finds in its interest.
“The nature of the acts themselves and the self-interested muteness of the antagonists thus conspire to create a kind of complicitous silence that all but expunges everyday forms of resistance from the historical record”.
Surely, someone could be sponsoring Zimbos to study (and practice) the works of Scott and other anarchists! We have no doubt that this conspiracy will be laid bare soon!