Letter to my people: If you can’t beat them, join them

My Dear People

Some of you have been sending me messages checking if I am OK after those viral pictures of my appearance at the wedding of the year last Saturday.

Very few of you ever imagined me dining with the coupists considering what they did to Gushungo!

Munopengaaaa!

There comes a time when you have to put your family first. Gushungo left me with very young children, who were yet to be on their feet.

Bona was also unlucky to be hitched by that gold digger and things have not been well for me and my children.

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The Lacoste gangsters were really coming after me as they were sending thugs to invade my properties in Mazowe. I had to be clever about it and pretend to be with them.

You all saw Ngwena grinning like a schoolboy after I mesmerised him with my presence at the Generari’s opulent wedding.

As for Dr Amai II, she couldn’t contain herself as she tried so hard to look like my friend.

However, I am happy that some of you noticed that there was a gulf between me and Auxiria when it comes to class. Well, what do they say about class being permanent?

Anyway, what I can only tell you for now is that if you can’t beat them, join them!

This is ssssmy last missive to you for the year 2023 and as we mark the beginning of yet another year, it is only befitting to look back on a year characterised by political impostors, presidential gaffes, dubious awards and shameful nepotism.

It was a year where a lot of politicians made some astonishingly daft remarks that left me, your good doctor, spoilt for choice for the worst of the lot.

The claim by the Citizens Coalition for Change self-imposed secretary general and clown Sengezo Tshabangu that he was negotiating with Justice minister Ziyambi Ziyambi and Zanu PF secretary general Obert Mpofu for the release of CCC senior party member Job Sikhala from  prison was surely a contender for the most obtuse comment of the year.

It must have left the Scarfmore regime full of regret for the choice of puppet for the hatchet job on the Nero-led party through recalls of  CCC party members from both parliament and councils countrywide.

Such remarks exposed the role of the dispensation of poverty, darkness and confusion in the recalls and that Sikhala’s incarceration has nothing to do with justice and is all to do with the Tshabangu idiot.

The shocking endorsement of the  farcical election held in the country by Sadc chairperson and Angolan President Joao Lourenco,  could in any other year have been the most thoughtless comment of the year.

He called the elections ‘exemplary’ despite them being panned   the most fraudulent in the region by Sadc’s own electoral commission body sent to observe the electoral fraud.

However, the most daft remark must go to Scarfmore, who claimed in the run up to the elections that those who voted for the Lacoste cabal would go to heaven. Munopenga!!!

Even the most dimwitted supporter of the Scarfmore regime must have winced at such an infantile claim from the octogenarian.

 Ngwena  is no stranger to monumental errors that are totally unbefitting for a head of state and this year it was no different.

 After being re-elected in a diabolical election process, the Lacoste cabal leader exceeded the number of non-legislators, which he can constitutionally appoint, resulting in him having to quickly withdraw two ministerial appointments.

What made the whole sorry episode more embarrassing was that this was the second time he has made such an elementary error after doing the same in 2017 having been propelled into power on the back of guns and tanks.

 It was a contender for the most embarrassing appointment of the year.

 The appointment by Ngwena of his son and nephew into government was yet another stain in as far as scandalous appointments go.

 Indeed it was the year the ugly face  of nepotism came to the fore.

However, Scarfmore's  most scandalous appointment of the year was that of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces commander Valerio Sibanda into the Zanu PF politburo despite the constitution expressly forbidding members of the armed forces from dabbling in party politics.

 That he even tried to defend this by saying Sibanda  had no voting rights exposed his appalling knowledge deficit of the very constitution he swore to uphold and raises doubt  over the authenticity of his law degree.

Threatened by a lawsuit, Ngwena eventually had to eat humble pie and reverse the decision.

This has been the year of some hugely dubious awards as the dispensation of poverty, darkness and confusion seeks accolades despite dreadful leadership. Scarfmore’s capping of his wife, Auxilia aka page two girl with a University of Zimbabwe, Doctor of Philosophy in Law Honorary Degree for so-called philanthropic works raised eyebrows.

I couldn't help, but laugh.

Some of us earned real doctorates in record time, not these pitiful honorary degrees earned through shameless nepotism.

 But I digress.

 The most dubious award of the year without question was the accolade given  to the nutty professor and Finance minister Mthuli Ncube by some institution from the United Kingdom of the Best Finance Minister in Africa.

 Munopenga!!!

This is a Finance minister who is superintending over the fiddling of annual inflation figures to the extent of them being more or less dismissed with the contempt it deserves by the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund as well as having a Zimbabwe dollar  that rapidly loses value to the detriment of salaries and incomes denominated in the local unit.

The award will undoubtedly prompt global derision at the acute desperation for acclaim that permeates the corridors of the Lacoste regime.

The nutty professor was also in major contention for national villain of the year as a result of his budget that taxed overburdened Zimbabweans to the bone and proposed tollgate fees of US$5, which made a mockery of his claim that it was pro-poor.

But this award of shame goes to Tshabangu whose boneheaded recalls shortchanged the country’s citizens of being represented by individuals they had voted for with some waiting 24 hours to do so as a result of the staggering incompetence of the heavily compromised Zimbabwe Electoral Commission.

Worse still the self-proclaimed secretary general’s antics resulted in the Lacoste cabal reaching two thirds majority including rejects such as Scott being foisted on the citizens of Mabvuku-Tafara.

 It is not an exaggeration that it was betrayal that was at par with the biblical Judas Iscariot.

With that the good doctor wishes you all a happy 2024 or as happy as it can be under the dispensation of poverty, darkness and confusion

 Munopengaaaaaaaa

Stop It!

Dr Amai Stop it! PhD (Fake)