Muck’s attention has been drawn to the celebrations by our money man, the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe governor, John Mushayavanhu, at his village in Gutu, Masvingo province. Well, nothing wrong with a little happiness over a much-awaited appointment for a dream job.

“Nhasi ndezveduwo!” (Its our turn), he was heard saying.

“I want to thank the President for putting Masvingo in the limelight, Gutu and Mushayavanhu in the limelight,” he said in vernacular.

In the happy hour, he promised not to forget those he grew up and herded cattle with. By now, I think classmates have received bricks of the on-demand ZiG. But can our beloved governor really tie his important position to tribal appointments?

So, he is confirming that his only qualification is coming from Masvingo, yet he is supposed to serve the whole country. What did we say about tribal politics again? Well, let us give the man with village qualifications a chance.

Use ZiG, I use USD!

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Yes, the first citizen gave out ZiG currency in Chivhu after our sister paper NewsDay’s digital platforms notoriously covered and exposed his deceitful act. Well, some media have an impact there, at least we know they follow media products from the country’s biggest media house, which well, in most cases, his disciples denounce publicly.

They move around with bricks of mint United States dollars and shower them on supporters, the last stunt being giving Agriculture minister Anxious Masuka US$500 to buy a suit. The last time he gifted an old man after he had done a headstand, probably the biggest amount the man has ever laid hands on.

Well, Muck is reliably informed that holding ZiG is a public stunt, just to shut down internet trends, but evidently the man doesn’t have confidence in the local currency.

From a week of dormancy on transaction, people rejecting Zimbabwe dollar notes up to arresting “money changers” only for the President to parade greenbacks and gifting it to poor villagers. But we have read about Lazarus, the beggar, in the Bible and a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen, living in luxuries. Only that he didn’t carry a scarf everywhere he went. And this one again, he encourages Lazarus to make-do with what he has, even though he knows there is nothing to make-do with.

Show me your friends

Well, in the world of leadership and strategy formulation, a leader is as good as his advisors and circle. For all his wrongdoing, the late former president Robert Mugabe never allowed clowns, well, at least poor harlequins, to be closer to him.

Muck remembers one Walter “Mr Chitungwiza” Magaya tried to be closer to the first family by buying former Grace Mugabe’s birthday picture, disguised as an album at US$50 000. These were efforts to dig deep into the first family’s circle and play everything to his advantage.

For all we know, Mr Chitungwiza the II has many issues with the law, but has survived, and now that he has the first citizen in his pockets. He will live untouchable forever.

But the whole country is wondering what happened to the promise on Wicknell Chivayo that Chikurubi Maximum Security Prison was not full.

“We should never repeat what happened in Gwanda ... it is the third year now and nothing has happened,” Mnangagwa said in state media in June 2018.

Six years later, the project is still uncompleted. But we have seen the President getting cosy with the butterball. We are hearing he is even the man between Zimbabwe and Elon Musk’s Starlink. Zimbabwe is a crime scene, some have said.

The Office of the President is the most respected, well he serves everyone, but being hand in glove with a convicted criminal speaks volumes. Maybe the President needs to tell us what he did with the list of companies which externalised dollars.

We hear a judge was summoned to State House over the Neville Mutsvangwa’s arrest saga. Isn’t it good to have powerful parents?

Meeting the President, the mother and ... Justice Esther Muremba recused herself from a bail hearing case. But Zimbabwe is beautiful, there is judicial independence and we love it.

At least, convicted rapist Munyaradzi Kereke is going back to jail. But it’s not new, many decades ago, Frederick Musiiwa Makamure Shava was embroiled in the Willowgate Scandal, one of the biggest heists in Zimbabwe history. He was convicted of perjury, sentenced to a nine-month prison term. Well, angel Gabriel fell from the sky and saved him from being the guest of the state at Chikurubi.

Do as I say, not as I do

When Mugabe was dethroned in a coup, one of the reasons, well we know the plan was orchestrated long back, was he had stayed long. And our “Second Republic” leader vowed not to stay for more than two terms. And we were happy.

Now the second term has just started, taste buds are now warming up to sweet fortunes of power. We have even reconciled with Chivayo whom we once warned jails are not full. Even our promise for a better Zimbabwe free of corruption, we have forgotten about it: we now want a third term.

But why should we deny the man an opportunity to join remarkable men who have made history of staying long in power, Daniel Arap Moi did it in Kenya, Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo is making history in Equatorial Guinea, our uncle Yoweri Kaguta Museveni is shining in Uganda.

Why should we deprive Mnangagwa of such honour? But history is fair because it shows us that the longer you stay in power, the more unpopular. Now if one term made you popular, what will three do to you?

Now, the listening President doesn’t want criticism; he is forcing Zimbabweans to accept he is the best there is, way better than Baba Bona.

Well, Muck is kindly asking Mnangagwa to check history and learn.