I RECENTLY had spontaneous but organic conversations with two Zimbabweans living in the diaspora.
Both discussions reminded me of the fundamental human tendency to compare oneself to others.
Yet comparisons are essentially maladroit because they ignore context, overlook differences and oversimplify individual nuances and complexities.
The first conversation was with a Johannesburg-based friend who has lived outside Zimbabwe for over 30 years.
In welcoming me to Johannesburg, he said something that got me thinking.
He said he felt he was condescending whenever he pitied those like me who lived in Zimbabwe.
He then suggested maybe it was he who should be pitied by those in Zimbabwe.
My response was there was no point in pitying each other.
- Mavhunga puts DeMbare into Chibuku quarterfinals
- Bulls to charge into Zimbabwe gold stocks
- Ndiraya concerned as goals dry up
- Letters: How solar power is transforming African farms
Keep Reading
The second conversation was with the lady doing my hair in Stevenage, the United Kingdom (UK).
She said she was convinced a relative with a fully paid-up three-bedroom home in Chitungwiza was better off than her in a foreign land.
She has been in the UK for a long time, but does not own a home.
She has to work more than one job to make ends meet as opposed to her relative who thrives on just one job back home.
Such comparisons come short at so many levels.
I lived in South Africa for over 17 years and I remember the temptation to feel superior because of all manner of creature comforts and fleeting material possessions.
I was aware of the desire to compare myself with the next person so as to feel superior based on flimsy subjective standards.
Indeed, comparisons may temporarily deal with ego and self-esteem inadequacies, but they are unhealthy and vacuous.
The most useful comparison is perhaps with oneself today against what one was yesterday.
It is a measure of one’s personal growth and achievement against the goals one set for him/herself.
Comparing oneself with someone else, whatever the yardstick, is faulty and deeply unhealthy.
There will always be someone who appears better or worse than you. Where does one start and end the comparison?
The only constant in your life is you. Your progress over a defined period towards your personal goals is the best yardstick.
Ask yourself, whether you are in the diaspora or home in Zimbabwe, if you have grown as an individual?
Essentially, who you are does not change because of where you are. It begs emphasising that the only baggage you carry, wherever you go, is yourself.
Your biggest competition and indeed stumbling block is yourself. Focus on yourself all the time.
Yes, there might be differences in the quality of services and infrastructure where you are but these really have little impact on the person you are becoming. For instance, better infrastructure, health services and schools in the diaspora might offer better lifestyles, comforts, conveniences and lifespan but might not make one a better person per se than the person back in Zimbabwe.
These are ephemeral material things and circumstances that don’t necessarily touch the person you are.
It is very possible to be a miserable and horrible person amid world-class facilities.
It is equally possible to be happy and be a beautiful soul in the middle of toxicity and crushing poverty.
The fact that the people back home in Zimbabwe have family around them is precious but does not make them better humans than the people in the diaspora.
Often proximity to family comes with its own complications.
Are the exiles that send remittances to family back home better than the recipients?
Absolutely not!
Each is playing an important role.
It’s always better to give than to receive, as the saying goes.
There is mutual satisfaction as each plays their role based on what they have and can do.
Ultimately, what matters is the values and principles you live by and how faithful you are to these.
A measure of your personal growth based on intrinsic goals is more meaningful than validation from geographical location and material possessions.
Are your values and ambitions fulfilled where you are?
Marking yourself and others up or down the ladder on the basis of geographical location is unhealthy; it can only deliver envy, short-lived superiority or inferiority, but guarantees unhappiness in the long term.
We are each running our own races. So, focus on the race set before you.
Where you are might aid or hinder the race; in which case you move if you can.
Does your purpose change because of where you are? I don’t think so, at least not always.
But changing your geographical location is not always a factor in your personal growth and fulfilment.
Therefore, whether you are at home in Zimbabwe or in the diaspora is a personal choice and says little about who you are.
If where you are allows you to zero in on self-improvement and personal growth then you might be in the right place.
Better still, if you are impactful and fruitful in the community you live in.
The fundamental question to ask is: What are the most important things to you in life?
The answer will help you to determine the best place for you to live a fulfilling life and the subsequent decision is unique to each individual.
Thus, comparisons are an exercise in futility.
- Trevor Ncube is chairman of Alpha Media Holdings and host of ICWT
