WELCOME to the enthralling world of the Mbare market traders post-fire disaster verification exercise, where the bold spirit of capitalism shoots up like a phoenix, composed of bureaucratic incompetence and a touch of comedy.
As we deep dive and read into the glowing catalogue of individuals who stand to benefit from the newly-constructed Mbare market traders, we find ourselves immersed in a delightful chaos of names, misnomers and perhaps a sprinkle of corruption that is as entertaining as it is perplexing.
As we go through the first list published on January 9, we can’t help but marvel at the sheer variety of characters that populate this list, reminiscent of a poorly-scripted sitcom.
Here, we have a total of 1 707 names, each touted as the deserving beneficiary of the new Mbare traders market, yet the moment we peek closely at their names, the plot thickens.
Would you believe it if I told you that several of these “lucky” individuals share the exact first name, like a bizarre version of a name convention gone wrong?
Yes, in a stunning display of creativity, we have 30 “Alices”, 32 “Chipos”, 16 “Agneses” and 17 “Graces”.
Surely, in a quest for unique identity, these individuals embraced the power of blending into obscurity.
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Because who would not want to compete with four others claiming the same name when begging for a prime commercial spot?
But why stop at mere first names?
Some of the second names are where this charade takes a tantalising turn.
Just when you think you have identified everyone, oh, but wait!
One might be “Calvin Shoniwa”, while the other is “Calvine Shonhiwa” or “Darlington Makuchete” and “Darlington Makucheto” to “Farai Nyamukodzera”, who becomes “Farai Nyamukonzera” or “Farai Nyamukonzerwa” as well as “Abigail Chikono’s” near doppelganger “Abigail Chikoro”.
Spelling differences, you say?
The devil is in the details, as they say and our darlings here could use a lesson in spelling.
But who needs precise nomenclature when there is potential profit to be made?
Surely, government and city officials will overlook a few rogue letters when they are eyeing the potential cash flow.
Let’s address the elephant in the metaphorical room: could this list of “approved applicants” be rife with a certain mark of corruption?
When double entries appear as if conjured by an inept magician, voila, it’s “Catherine Nyamungoro” or “Amanda Mangwiro” again!
It raises more than a few eyebrows.
You see, this does not speak to a mere clerical error.
No, my friends, this paints a picture of bureaucratic buffoonery worthy of the greatest farce.
Well, perhaps it’s more than just buffoonery, maybe some feathering of nests is occurring with alarming frequency?
Who’s to say?
After all, if you can simply re-enter your name under various guises, the possibilities for cashing in seem endless.
In the end, this merry band of market hopefuls presents us with a delightful puzzle of patterns and omissions.
With a list that reads more like a laundry list of collective absurdity than a serious document of legit vendors, it’s hard to shake the feeling that there’s more lurking beneath the surface, perhaps a cocktail of incompetence swirled with opportunistic greed.
In a world that craves transparency, it seems the newly-constructed Mbare market traders is set to open not just for business, but for a spectacular show of mismanagement and hijinks.
And while the Phoenix rises, its shadow conceals the vague promise of a stall that may very well be more theatre than market, a veritable feast for the cynical mind.
