Marriage can be an enjoyable experience. Having coached people in marriage, some outrightly tell me that marriage was not meant for them. Marriage could be God-ordained, but no marriage is built in heaven.
By JONAH NYONI
Two people that came into this institute should be willing to put one brick at time to make their marriage work. Not only one brick at a time, but the right brick all the time.
A marriage left to chance, can never fully shine. Again some people think their spouse should be the one causing problems. As that might be true at some time, but it can never be entirely true.
Marriage is a very fascinating subject yet so misunderstood. It can bring great fulfillment when properly handled or friction when mismanaged.
More questions continue to linger without answers. You could be asking: Did I really marry the right person? So much has changed since our marriage day; our dating stage was great and not to mention honeymoon, but now we are no longer compatible?
My heart seems not to be having any space to love her and I can’t really describe what went wrong. He provides for the family, but has little or no time for me anymore. We have since lost touch? There is no more romance anymore and he comes home late.
The other question is: she seems not to care anymore about her body? She has gotten so fat, scruffy and I can’t handle it? When we first married her body was great, her face was cute and everything about her was a perfect cut, but that has since vanished?
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The man seemed to care, but that has since fizzled into thin air? You could be having those questions too; here are some tips to keep your marriage working:
In marriage people have a tendency to want to outwit others. I am one such who would always want to win any argument or debate, but I have since discovered that this does not help.
After winning, what’s next? Winning does at times not mean you are correct. You feel good and right, but the other person has been brought down. The bigger picture would show that pride is toxic factor in marriage.
There are times when you feel your spouse has no time for you. The world we live in is getting so much busy. This leads to most men having less time with their wives. This makes husbands to be aliens to their wives and children. Its time we build our marriage; by so doing we build stronger families.
As human beings we are constantly using our words to shape our world. Most marriages have been massacred merely by words. Minds not mouths; mould better marriages.
Learn communication skills though seminars, books and counsellors. A Latin writer, Publilius Syrus once said; “I often regret that I have spoken; never that I was silent”.
In communication, we involve listening. Everyone has that eager to speak, but if we listened more and spoke less we more add more value to marriages.
We should not expect respect from others, but we should learn to first respect. Respect should be earned and not force others to respect you. Respect, value and love your spouse and see the results!
The I-can-do-it-all attitude is at times dangerous especially for affluent women who have the financial clout. Let your man do some things for you.
As a man I want to be part of the game by getting involved! “Most men seeking wives are not looking for executives but someone with allure and willingness to flatter and make them superior”. (Paul Popenoe, former Director of the Institute of Family Relations in LA).
Mentally, everyone has a model of what they want of their spouses. We are mainly coined by the environment we live, people that we associate with and past experiences.
That shapes the way we think and make choices. However, the person that we get married to has different world views and different expectations and don’t expect them to always fit in your mould or to be like you.
The question is: Should secrets be kept or said? Most people have secrets; this could be of past affairs, illicit affairs, mistakes they made weaknesses. If not wisely managed, secrets ruin marriage. Wisdom is important; some cats are better off kept tightly in the bag.
However other cats, can’t stay in the bag forever. Secrets are as bad as small crack in a strong building, they seem insignificant but eventually that damage the entire structure of marriage.
Marriage is a learning centre. Be of a learning spirit. Learn from those that have experience. Don’t get advises from wrong sources. Enjoy your marriage, remembering that you have to build it daily. Need I say more? Enjoy your marriage!
lJonah Nyoni is an author, success coach and certified leadership/business trainer. He is the author of Inspiration for Success and Success Within Reach. Contact details: Tel: 0772 581 918. Email: [email protected]. Twitter@jonahnyoni.
